Ever wonder why people choose anonymity when they have nasty, hurtful, or hateful things to say? As a society, we’ve become accepting and even expect to read comments the “uninvolved” make on the lives of others. We read insults, rants, and judgments of others who hide behind fake screen names, internet identities or false/unidentifiable email addresses. I must admit I was raised not only to speak my mind but to stand behind what I say. I was also taught to apologize when I’m wrong. And most importantly I was taught to avoid saying anything behind someone’s back that I wouldn’t say to their face.
Once out of high school and college I’ve pretty much lived by these “values” in my life. Oh, I’m not perfect, oftentimes I am truthful to a fault, which is a blessing and a curse. In the past, at work, people “above me” would call on me when they wanted to know the truth that others were afraid to say. I won’t speak on others’ behalf, but I will boldly stand in my own truth.
In my opinion feedback, thoughts, comments, insults, criticisms, from the anonymous, faceless, or nameless is USELESS! Why hide?
As Brene Brown says…
“If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked I’m not interested in your feedback.”
Instead of hiding behind unkind words why not just say nothing? What are you afraid of? Are you afraid that the target of your unkindness might respond to you in kind?
If your intent is just to be mean, maybe you need to reconcile your need to be hurtful with the way you feel about yourself. How would you feel if the words you typed behind the wall of your computer or mobile device were aimed at you, your mother, your child or someone else you love?
Many of the present-day famous people (particularly women ) I’ve studied don’t read comments at all. And do you blame them?
That said, women, why are we so horrible to each other? Don’t we have enough challenges in our home and professional lives? We criticize other mothers because they don’t parent like “we do”. We talk about the appearance of each other in insulting ways. We devalue each other by passing judgment on those of us who drive hard at the office with words like “witch.” STOP! Instead, we secretly contribute to the natural guilt mothers already feel as they do the best they can. We cause each other eating disorders as we anonymously insult and bully each other about our bodies. and so much more. If there is a problem with another woman, why not have a conversation? A little understanding can go a long way.
Recently, I had a (3 way) conversation with two people who don’t like each other much. Both had expressed their feelings privately to me yet when we were together, neither owned up to their feelings about the other. It was quite distracting to watch them “hide in plain sight!” It felt gooey and uncomfortable! It also made me distrust both of them. Afterward, when they called me with all of the “can you believe” statements and malicious accusations, I asked, “why didn’t you say that in front of them?” The answers were that they didn’t want to cause trouble. I politely asked them not to discuss it with me either!
Let’s be courageous and show our faces when we have something to say. If you have fear of being identified or “found out”, why not think about whether or not you really have anything important to say.
Own your thoughts, show your face. PUT UP or SHUT UP!
Love, Light, and Upfrontness!
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