Hindsight is 2019

Many of us have heard the saying “Hindsight is 2020.” The term typically refers to how clearly we can see a situation when we look “back” at it after the fact. In honor of the new year, let’s take a moment to look at the hindsight of 2019 and make conscious choices about which lessons and experiential learning we will take forward into 2020 and beyond.

So much has happened this year in my own life that I want to openly share a few of my own lessons:

woman wearing black fitness outfit performs yoga near body of water
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2019 Lesson #1: THE RESIGNATION

I decided to leave my job at a major global entertainment company after 16 years and have since accepted a new role.

In hindsight, I spent way too many years contemplating, overthinking, and living in what I thought was comfort and security. I accept responsibility for feeling underutilized, unchallenged, marginalized, undervalued, and frustrated. Once I made the decision to value myself, my own satisfaction and Spiritual direction, I was able to boldly step into the fear of joblessness. Although this decision was fraught with fear and angst I “shakily” did it anyway. I figured that the stress of looking for a new role was far more desirable than the stress of going to a job every day that (besides income) no longer served me. I was reminded that although money is important, it is not the most important. I also learned (to my surprise) that I could live with a lot less than I’d originally thought! I was reminded that working hard is easy when you feel appreciated. Although my role is larger in scope and a far greater challenge being part of an organization that is all about doing great things for the world we live in feels really good. All that to say that I found a role that I enjoy, working with super smart appreciative people who needed a person like me. Thank you, Universe!

2019 Lesson#2: THE RETURN

My son moved back home this year after serving in the US Air Force.

I can’t speak for the lessons he’s learned but I do know that one that he shared with me is that military life wasn’t for him. One thing I KNOW is that often times it is just as important to know what DON’T like as it is what you DO like. In hindsight I learned that expecting things to be the same even when you think circumstances are similar, is ripe for life body slamming you to the ground of disappointment like an old school WWF wrestler! The truth is that a new high school graduated boy left and was replaced by a man. This “man” has been impacted by experiences beyond my control or knowledge. Some things positive and others not so much. All of which have shaped his life and are now a part of the adult he is growing into. In most ways, his growth is a ”trade up” for me BUT others?  Well, let’s just say are not so enjoyable.

My love for him is STILL as deep as the deepest blue sea and always will be but I’ve learned that although I am his mother, I am (now) more of a coach, consultant, friend, confidant, and roommate. That said, I may not agree with his choices, and/or can clearly see the folly of said choices on his future, I provide no opinion (outside of the privacy of my mind) unless I am quite directly asked. I have no desire to run his life and I avoid giving my opinion about his choices because I do not want the responsibility for the outcome. Besides, even when he does ask he spends much more time attempting to argue with me about my opinion. Sometimes I unconsciously fall into an argument, but once I realize it, I make another choice. Why argue about someone else’s life choices? Unless he’s telling me about a choice risking his life or freedom, I simply shut my pie hole. I’ve also learned, that we both have changed after being apart and that I accept him as he is. I support and praise him for the really good stuff he does like staying in school, creating the music he loves, paying his bills, loving up on our dogs and so much more.

This works for us. Yes, we’ve had rough patches, but in hindsight, I’ve learned that anything can be solved with love, boundaries, and trust.

2019 Lesson #3: The ATTEMPT AT LOVE

photo of man and woman smiling next to each other
Photo by Harrison Haines on Pexels.com

I tried to date a person (again) who has been one of my best friends for the last 20 years.

I knew (if I’m honest) going in that trying to be more than friends with this person had not worked the 2 or 3 times we’d tried before. Needless to say, I was skeptical, but I jumped in anyway. Just a few days in found my self shouting “Reeetttrrreeaaattt!” Worse yet, I kept it going for a couple more weeks despite all of the signs that it was simply a really bad idea.

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Photo by Werlley Meira on Pexels.com

 

 

What I know now is that friendship alone although very important is not the “be all, end all” to a romantic relationship. We have a fabulous friendship and great chemistry, but we have different relationship values, lifestyles, opinions and in other ways we are too much alike. I was reminded that being alone is much better than trying to retrofit a person into a life that is already good. I want a square peg for a square hole, not a round one that I have to sand down and hammer in! I learned that loving a person doesn’t mean that falling “in love” with them is easy!

—————

2019 was filled with many things, love, loss, disappointment, fun, achievement, tears, joy, and so much more.  These feelings are not just true for me but for all of us. These experiences make us who we are and will serve us as we move forward in our lives.

  • What lessons/experiences will you carry forward in 2020?
  • How will you use them to push you forward in your life?
  • Will they make you stronger and push you into greater things?
  • Will they bring you to your knees and hold you in a headlock at life’s gunpoint?

It’s really up to you.

two men inside moving vehicle
Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com

Look back, but not for long. Looking back for too long can cause feelings of regret, denial, and frustration. Wishing things were different is a waste of time.  Focus on what you can control.  The past is done, set in stone.  Leave it alone!  Use hindsight as you would the rearview mirror in your car. Take a glance and keep driving forward. To further the analogy…..looking into the rearview mirror for too long will cause you to crash!

What will 2020 be? I have no idea, but I do know those crazy hard things will happen, but we will thrive.

I will continue my morning practice of reminding myself that each day is “a good day” filled with uniqueness, newness, “crap-tastic-ness” and fabulousity. I will remember to be grateful for all the good in my life.

Goodbye, 2019!

We have another 525,600 Minutes to realize our 2020 vision(s) in magical ways!

Let’s do this!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Cr8Ab

 

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