When I am angry, I am reminded of the anchor of a boat or ship. The purpose of an anchor is to hold the vessel in place, stagnant until it is removed allowing the vessel to move. Isn’t this what anger does to us? It holds us so that we can’t move. Anger immobilizes us so that we can’t always see the bad decisions we make in an attempt to buck its tight hold.
We abuse our spouse or children because our anger is misdirected anger and/or our outbursts are inappropriate
We accuse people unfairly of this or that because we seek to blame SOMEONE ELSE for the way we feel
We stalk a lover because they are honest and tell us that they don’t want to be with us and we can’t accept their decision
We stop communicating with friends or family because of a misunderstanding
These examples and most others I can think of have roots in one or more of the following:
Misunderstanding and/or assumption
Failure to accept the situation at hand
Perceived loss of control
Lack of self-control
Fear of an undesired outcome
So this happened recently in my life…
I was having a phone conversation with a person I didn’t know very well. Let’s call him “Gus”. About 5 minutes into the discussion, I noticed a shift in the energy. As the conversation continued, Gus seemed to be getting angrier and angrier. Before I could figure out why, or how I had contributed to the situation Gus hung up on me. I was busy trying to figure out what happened, and to discover my contribution so much so that I missed the last sentence or two before he hung up!
By now, if you know me or follow my blog, you know that I live in a state of self-reflection. That said, to this very moment I am at a loss about what happened and how I contributed. All I can figure is that he was angry with someone or something else and I was the ”next best thing” in his path to express his anger. Taking full responsibility, I realize that I attracted that energy to my experience. Maybe I am angry about something making me like a magnet for attracting anger into my life.
I also believe the Universe has my back and I know that rejection is protection. This is obviouslynot a person that was supposed to hold long-term space in my life. I joyfully accept that and moved on.
Knowing that we teach people how to treat us, I will not waste my time speaking with Gus again. Hanging up on a person is a HUGE form of disrespect, immaturity, and lovelessness on behalf of the “hanger upper”. Is also demonstrates a lack of self-control, and a fear of self-expression. However, I do forgive Gus and ask for his forgiveness for my role in the situation. I also thank him for the lessons he taught me and wish him love, peace, and happiness.
Hey, I’m human and I get angry too. But, I do try to let things go so that I keep myself at peace. I also try to come from a place of love, respect, and understanding at all times. I will NEVER intentionally disrespect another person!! And I expect a person to tell me if I offend them so that I may apologize and try to do better next time. I will also speak up when I am mistreated.
Let’s all look at our anger and be decerning about where, when and how we express it. People or situations don’t MAKE us angry! We DECIDE to be angry. And since we make that decision, we can make the decision to be peaceful, loving and kind.
And guess what? If you decide to be angry around me, I will do my best to allow you to be angry and excuse myself from the situation. This is the most loving thing I can do for you and me in the moment.
For today, let’s decide to be positive in every interaction despite the behavior of others.
For today, let’s politely excuse ourselves from conversations that are negative or nasty. If we are a third party to the discussion our decision to bow out may bring awareness to others about how they are coming across.
For today, let’s apologize to someone that we have been angry with. Even if they are not apologetic, let’s choose to feel better about the situation.
For today, let’s think first and constructively express our feelings. Let’s say how we feel once and move on… repeating and reliving is not necessary and can lead to further misunderstanding.
Why live a life tied down by the anchor of anger? Swim down into the depths of your soul and pull the hell outta that anchor if it won’t come up. If someone else dropped the anchor of your boat, it is still YOUR responsibility to get moving again. Standing on the deck waiting for someone to do it keeps you alone and held firmly in place. Keep your vessel moving, there are many wonderful things to see!