Ok, before anyone thinks I’m a raging pothead (I am simply way too square for that), I tried a doobie twice in my life, once on my honeymoon (way back in the day) in Jamaica. Come on, don’t judge, I was in Jamaica, who wouldn’t try to find a joint the size of a cigar? Besides, there is literally ganja growing on trees in Jamaica! The second time, I think I took one hit of a blunt again with my ex-husband. I’ve been divorced for more than 10 years, maybe if I’d joined him in his weed smokin’ stooper we might still be married and/or graduated to crack! Anyways…when I tried a little chronic, I was not disabled and my puffs did not net me one iota of a freaking buzz. I didn’t even get the damn munchies! My body was like…AND…is that it?
Oh wait, maybe I shouldn’t have admitted it! I may want to run for political office! Ok.. so for the record “I DID NOT INHALE!” Do I need to offer a $130,000 settlement for the silence of my readers?
Now it seems as if everyone in my life wants me to try a little medical grade Mary Jane. At least, that’s what they used to call it after that 80’s song by Rick James (awe shut up youngsters…google it already!). My “so called’ friends and family think taking a few hits of reefer might help me with nerve pain. Although I’ve done an ok job managing pain with diet and excercise, the pain hasn’t been at “0” since the onset of my diagnosis.
So I’d like to ask a few questions about Marijuana..
ATTENTION ALL POTHEADS
(particularly those smokin’ a little wacky tobaccy on the down low!)
- If I smoke some chronic and it works for nerve pain, do I have to be high during my waking hours like a shabby, lethargic, apathetic, guitar playing Rasta in an alley? FYI, I have nothing against my Rastafarian brethren, but that is not a good look for me. My luck someone would roll off with my scooter whilst I’m laying there stupefied singing One Love tryna be like Bob Marley!
- If I smoke it in my house, will my dogs get a contact high and start chasing their tails and licking themselves incessantly? Maybe they will suddenly speak to me in clear English and tell me how much I suck as a Paw Mamma.
- What about edibles? How much Ganja is in edibles? I hear the amount can vary by preparation and preparer. I’ve also heard that some people over eat the brownies or gummy bears, over dose and upchuck like that scene in the movie The Exorcist. The whole upchuck thing is also not a good look for me especially since I eat a lot of Split Pea Soup!
- If I smoke it or eat it and crash my scooter into a wall or something at my house, will my homeowners insurance cover it or would that be auto insurance? Would I need a police report? Would I get a ticket for driving while intoxicated?
- How about the oil you rub on the skin? I googled it and found out they sell it on Amazon! Does it soak into the skin and make you smell like a doobie? If someone rubs it on my back will they get a contact high from their hands? Maybe I should try this and I’ll get some “street cred” for smelling like “I be lightin’ up”. I told you that I’m a square!
Well folks, I’ve got some thinking to do.. to smoke it, eat it or rub it on?! In my Season of YES (click here to read my last blog), I have to do it, its just a question of modality.
Can somebody whose interest is beyond watching me make a fool outta myself, give me a bit of sound advice?
Love, Light and Doobies!