“I’d rather be dead than in a wheelchair!”

(The title is an actual quote that I overheard)

Really? I don’t know about you, but there are MANY things I’d rather do than die. Don’t get me wrong, dying is not a personal fear of mine, but it isn’t something I’m in a rush to experience for pete’s sake either!

Many of us particularly those of us who lived part of our lives without CreativeAbilities, typically experience periods of “What the Eff’edness?” whether we admit it or not.

My onset in 2004 was initiated by a rare illness that caused my immune system to eat away at the covering of my nerves. As a result I was paralyzed for several months. I am living with the residual Neuropathy complete with nerve pain (severe at times), minimal Proprioception and Ataxia I also have bouts a fatigue and restlessness (primarily due to the nerve pain).

Prior to 2004, I was athletic, and physically fit. I grew up as a competitive sprinter, and on dance, cheer and drill teams. The picture below is of me cheerleading when I was in college (in case you’re wondering, I’m the crazy young fool being thrown in the air on the left).

I remember thinking, as my family surrounded my bed in the Intensive Care Unit…

“WTF?”

“What will I do now?”

“How will I raise my son?”

“What will my life be?”

“Will I be ever be able to care for myself again?”

Blah, blah, blah.

I recall being angry, I mean…really pissed at times, and super sad at other times. I even developed Post Traumatic Stress (that I still live with today) about hospitals, and lying in hospital beds.

I hope newly disabled, diagnosed or otherwise impacted people will move through these feelings bravely, and gracefully as part of their wholistic healing process.

The hardest part is the vulnerability…emotionally and physically!

Yep, I said it! Wooo, that felt good!

Let me type that again in all caps…VULNERABILITY.

Maybe I’m embracing this word and concept because I’ve been listening to Brene Brown lately, but for me.. this has been the hardest part of the journey. Yes, I was raised to push hard and not to give up, but the real magic is learning how to give up not to the healing, but surrendering to the learning so that you are much stronger than you believed you could be.

For those of us who have had CreativeAbilities for a number of years, we know that if we had been told 5+ years before what we would experience we would have said, “no way! I don’t think I could survive that!” But guess what? We ARE HERE! Good or bad, fair or unfair, our cards were dealt and now we “gotta” play!

I rise today, healthier and stronger physically due to a gym I have at home and a commitment to fitness and healthy food choices. I am growing spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, and despite recent challenges (because the universe loves a good laugh), STILL I RISE to quote the great Maya Angelou!

I will embrace my abilities

I will think creatively about solutions to day-to-day challenges

I will no longer laugh at myself to make others comfortable with me

I will acknowledge my fear and vulnerability turn and face them with honor a bravery

I will continue to be vibrant and beautiful, if only in my own mind, because THAT is where true beauty lies anyway

AND STILL… I rise

Sending love and light to you!

Cr8Ab

Categories Disability

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